“Feelings for Her”-Smartphone Film Festival on campus 2018

I wrote this while my friend produced/directed it. The reason why I wrote this was because society wanted me to feel ashamed for being a bisexual human being. That’s just it, I’m a human being with feelings and it’s not something that’s easily controlled. Also, on campus there was a smartphone film festival. It was the first one they’ve ever done and there were nine videos. This film won first place. Might write more in-depth next time but for now, enjoy.

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When Love Turns Toxic, It’s Time To Leave

Sure, all relationships have problems, but enough is enough.

Everyone deserves a loving and a passionate relationship. Even if it did appear to be so in the beginning. But the relationship progresses into not trusting each other, blasting your problems online and professing love to the other person online when it’s really the partner doing it for them.

Relationships can be a sticky situation but what baffles me is, why are people willing to stay even if it isn’t good for them?

Those couples can say they love each other all they want but it’s really not good for them, self-esteem wise.

I know a couple who are head over heels in love with each other. At first, I envied their love because of the way they looked at each other. They would do anything for the other. Except, the female had a past of other lovers and can be naive at times. That’s why the guy is obsessed with knowing her every move, who she talks to, whatever she does or wherever she goes, he would like to know.

They would go into each other’s social media accounts and

sometimes deletes each others’ messages and friends for no reason.

He is protective of her, but in the process, he calls her names and stuff all because her mind is controlled by her mother. She won’t do anything that would disobey her mother.

They are both tired of it, but if she would stand up to her mother or try to see him on the weekends too instead of just weekdays, then he said they would have a healthier relationship.

He swears he loves her and that’s why he can’t ever leave her and says he’s invested too much to leave now. If she ticks him off, he’ll probably threaten her, but if she’s good and obeys then she won’t.

Their love may be bound, but I guess I won’t understand a toxic relationship.

The one that swears they love each other but are really destroying another soul by all of the problems. Either they work it out themselves but sometimes they announce it on social media. So, it might seem like the female is the problem while the male looks like the victim when it’s only one side of the story.

 

They are the type to text each other, for what feels like every minute of the day. Even if you’re hanging out with one of them, they’re too busy texting the other to notice what you’re wearing.

I guess that’s what happens when people swear they are good but won’t tell people the other side of the story.

If you’re longing to be in a relationship, be in a healthy one. Sure, all relationships have problems, but enough is enough. Love yourself enough to be able to love and trust someone completely.

Also found on https://www.theodysseyonline.com/get-out-toxic-relationship

Hayley Kiyoko’s Concert Was More Than Just A Concert, It Allowed Me To Announce My Sexuality

I went to a Hayley Kiyoko concert on June 5th, 2018, which is different for me because I usually dislike concerts. I dislike the fact I had to be pushed up against people because we were in the standing area.

I also don’t go to concerts unless I absolutely loved the artist and I love Hayley Kiyoko and her music. Her songs have normalized a girl having a crush or loving a girl with no shame. I still am learning to not feel ashamed. Also, the difficulty is especially, when I keep finding myself attracted to heterosexual females.

I went with my mom, aunt and my cousin. The reason I wanted to go with them is to let them see that it’s OK to like the same sex. It’s OK to wear pride clothing and it’s OK to have a 20gayteen flag.

I felt it was the only place I could sing along to her songs without any judgment. For me, it was more than a concert.

It was an announcement about my sexuality in reality and not just on the internet.

During one of her songs, Girls Like Girls, I felt my voice starting to shake and my eyes started to water while I sang along to the words. I felt like I was hugging someone mentally and them saying,”It’s OK.” My friends supports me but I wish my parents felt the same.

I guess that was the reason I wanted my mother to go to the concert as well. She kept saying, “Oh, gay people can spread AIDS,” and excuses such as that but I didn’t know how to respond. I felt like, if I showed her the support of the LGBTQ+ community, how passionate I felt about the issues and Hayley singing and having a lecture about finding love and liking girls, I guess I hoped she’d change her mind. Of course she didn’t.

But, I guess I hoped.

Hayley did say, “Even if you think you don’t deserve happiness, you do.”

I’ve always felt maybe, the world is punishing me and I might never date anyone or nobody would even like me. But, I do have to believe that I deserve to be happy. Also, like in the movie Love, Simon, “Everyone deserves a great love story.”

Also published on the Odyssey: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/hayley-kiyoko-concertMEE

Hannah Baker Wasn’t Seeking Attention

“Hey, It’s Hannah. Hannah Baker.” Those were the first words on the tape she made before she ended her life. They explained what happened to her and what led to her death.

I finally finished season 1 of Netflix’s adaption of 13 Reasons Why. It took me a year to get the courage to watch the entire season. I felt the emotions of what Hannah went through. It might’ve been similar situations, but not exactly the same.

The first time I heard about 13 Reasons Why I was excited to watch it because I didn’t know what the show was about and it seemed interesting. I never read the book.

When I did watch it, it was so powerful, I had to turn it off and regroup my emotions. I was crying during each episode.

In high school, I felt like everyone was staring at me, being cruel and I was being bullied by, what seemed like, everyone in my grade. Although it wasn’t exactly everyone, it felt like it.

It started in middle school but worked it’s way up until my high school graduation. I felt powerless. I didn’t have friends to help defend me nor did I have the courage to defend myself and when I did, people were just being harder on me. I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it so I gave up.

No one would believe me when I tried to tell others the truth. Not even one of the counselors I told in high school, he said I needed proof so I became obsessed with getting proof. I had the video but when I showed it to an a friend whom I didn’t see much but crossed paths a couple of times, she said the girl in the video could’ve been looking at something else for a really long time. So then I gave up.

Hannah Baker’s life ended because of a reputation she couldn’t control.

When guys hit on you but then try to call you a “slut” or “whore” because of a photo that was taken the wrong way. It wasn’t just the photo, it was when a guy also claimed to hit a home run with a girl. It started with just a guy but then it became multiple guys who thought they could do the same because of rumors they heard about her. From then on, guys in her class or she knew would look at her like a sexual object.

When she told someone about it, no one believed her. It felt like her life was falling apart and problems kept coming her way.

It was more than a photo or a reputation.

It was how she was being treated by guys, people, her “friends” who no longer wanted to be associated with her. She had secrets she couldn’t tell because she was either too ashamed or she didn’t want to be a burden. She seemed like the type to keep it to herself because she thought she could handle it. She wanted to scream and she cried a lot because she was hurt. She lost her sense of self.

She needed help.

She needed a soul to know they cared or would help her but when she didn’t find one, she made tapes and drew a map of the names that contributed to ending her life. Hannah could’ve opened more about issues she was dealing with but she chose not to. She’s an imperfect person. She could’ve told a counselor the whole story but she decided not to. Instead, she wanted to end her suffering.

It’s hard to get someone who’s on the brink of harming themselves to open up, but it doesn’t hurt to try and ask them how they are doing once in a while.

Maybe, check to see how they are acting– if they’re lonely or if they don’t want to get out of bed or would rather sleep for the rest of their life because of what life throws at them. Check to see if there are any signs like that and if you can’t get them to open up, maybe seek advice from a counselor or a therapist to see what more they could do.

This show is a really hard show to watch but it sparks conversation. I don’t need to constantly hear, “Oh, I’m against bullying and would try to help.” I would rather you do the action you said you would. When I read comments saying, “Oh, she should’ve sucked it up. I did.” No, she didn’t need to “suck it up.”

People shouldn’t be so cruel in the first place. Just because it seems we’ve normalized bullying doesn’t mean it’s ok.

It doesn’t mean it’s ok because people become so depressed that they’ve lost all hope so they end their life because they don’t want to tell anybody. They don’t want to tell people because they are afraid to be a burden or think people will tell them to move on. Or, they don’t want to talk about anything.

If you think someone you know will try to harm themselves or know they are depressed. Talk to them and lend a hand because you never know when they will need it. Call the National Suicide Prevention line at 1-800-273-8255 if you or someone you know need help.

Also on https://www.theodysseyonline.com/who-is-hannah-baker, if you would like to see more of my articles.

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Downtown Cleveland

There is much to discover about Cleveland. Whether you’re looking for restaurants, a place to study or to take pictures, Downtown Cleveland is a great place to visit. What does Cleveland mean to me?

Although I’m from Cleveland, I haven’t explored many places because I moved when I was 4. When I do come to Cleveland, these two places are where I visit the most. In the first picture, Cleveland means places to go for enjoyment. Near Edgewater, I enjoy visiting at night to see the lights and the buildings, and of course, the beach. It’s where I can listen to music through my headphones while seeing the sunrise and the sunset.

In the second picture, I spent my childhood at Tower City, mainly because my mom used to work there. At a young age, I remembered I would always say hello to every customer who walked in when she was working because I was bored and didn’t have anyone to speak with. Ever since I was a kid, I would always go to this particular fountain and have  a coin in hand so I could make a wish and toss it in.

 

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Film In Cleveland

I’ve interviewed Gregory Elek, writer for the Vindicator, which is Cleveland State University’s Arts and Culture Magazine, and discussed his article Film In Cleveland.