love is love

A Coming Out Song Released On Tiktok

Posted on by ChauT

Recently, I’ve listened to a song that reminded me of how I felt before I came out. The emotions of being scared, hoping to find the love of my life, and was worried for a moment about what people thought. I decided not to care what anyone else thinks because it’s not their truth, it’s mine. This is a beautiful song I heard on Tiktok. At first, I thought it was for a different song but when I heard more of the clip, I fell in love with it.

The song is called, “If I Was Gay” by Andreas Wijk. His voice and the piano have a beautiful balance throughout the song. I wish I had this song to comfort me years ago. “If I was gay would I be what they say, just a stereotype?”I felt like changing my appearance so other girls would know I was interested in them. I wanted to look more masculine but then I realized, I like dressing up and wearing makeup and at the same time, I enjoy wearing a hoodie, pants, and a backwards hat. It seems like stereotypes were invented to try to understand people and label them. Except, it might not apply to everyone. I have learned to dress however I feel. Whether it’s a blouse and trousers one day and/or sweatpants the next.

“If I was gay how do I get to heaven, when there’s no church in the wild.” This reminds me of when someone I knew said, “God won’t allow LGBTQ+ people in his kingdom cause it’s considered a sin.” This got me heated. I’m just like everyone else. I want to fall in love with someone. So many people would rather see LGBTQ+ individuals be killed then be happy. It’s like we’re a threat but we’re not. We’re also not a sin, just human beings made in His image. We don’t actively try to kill people just cause we don’t like them. The people who hate on us are the reason why a lot of people hide. I no longer feel the need to hide. I’m just thriving in life. I mind my own business, go to work, do what I enjoy, and move on with my day. Granted, I’m not dating anyone at the moment so I’m not worried about my love life. Whenever it happens, it’ll happen.

“If love is the same, why is this not the same thing?” I do get jealous of when heterosexual relationships receive comments such as, “Oh, you’re such a beautiful couple! What are your plans for the future?” While I hear same sex couples receive comments like, “Don’t worry about the future, it won’t work out anyways.” When asking why they think it won’t work, they simply say, “Cause you’re both of the same gender.” The homophobic comments enrage me yet people think it’s okay to say. I would think you’d want to protect someone from dating a psychopath or a toxic partner, instead, it’s all about blocking the love of same sex couples. I wish I could scream that lyric at the top of my lungs. It’s just a relationship, like everyone else in the world! Everyone should be able to express how they feel about someone without fear.

“I’ve never kissed a boy, I’ve been trying to fit in. Picturing his face and I lose a piece of me.” I don’t understand why people resort to thoughts such as, “You’ve probably never kissed the opposite gender so you don’t know if you like it or not.” Actually, I have and I’m still not a fan. I remembered being so scared of asking girls out because I didn’t know how to ask them out. I didn’t even know who to turn to. Youtube seemed like my only option. I’d rather just ask in person with confidence and to not care. Easier said than done. With time, it got easier.

This song is for anyone that feels alone, lonely, scared, and confused on how they feel. Sexuality is fluid, it will be okay. I felt so liberated when I finally came out. Other people’s opinions are not a reflection of me, but of themselves. I hope one day, everyone can feel safe and just love whoever they’re with, without fear.

Spoken Word Poetry

Posted on by ChauT

I’m writing this while I’m in pain. A part of me hopes you’ll text back with answers. You said we could be friends. I didn’t realize you’d want to ignore me. A friend of mine said, “If you wait forever, you might be waiting for a lifetime.” So, I decided to turn my pain into art. I haven’t written a poem in a while, never did spoken word before either. I just wanted to express myself. A safe space to cry and scream into oblivion. These are the words I wish I could’ve said in the moment. I wish we could talk again. I guess this is the next best thing.

A Journey To Accept My Sexuality

Posted on by ChauT

When I was younger, I didn’t fully process the fact that I was gay. I always knew I saw girls in a different light. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be them or be with them. It’s not like I had anyone to confide in with that information. I am an only child so the only relationships I looked up to were the ones on TV. I always thought romantic comedies were cheesy but I loved the grand gestures and when the guy gets the girl of his dreams. I wanted that too.

Whenever couples would kiss, my eyes would gravitate towards the girl and I’m always in awe of their beauty. Growing up, I had crushes on almost all of my female teachers. Some of my guy teachers were cool and attractive but never fantasized about them. Not the way I did for the female teachers.

If you ask me who my celebrity crushes are, I would give you a list of female stars, never the males. Remember when we were younger and we played house with our friends? I always wanted to be the guy, not sure why.

I enjoy hobbies such as skateboarding, boxing, and martial arts. While those are enjoyed by both genders, I always felt more powerful doing them, especially when they’re seen as male dominated hobbies. Females can dominate doing them too.

It never occurred to me that I would label myself as gay now. I never thought I needed a label. In my mind, I didn’t care who I loved, as long as I love someone with my whole heart. It wasn’t until college that I understood the divide and hatred people had towards the LGBTQ+ community. Saying how it is “unnatural,” when it’s just love. If you love someone, you shouldn’t have to hide it or be afraid that someone will harm you whether it’s with words or violence.

I’ve also dated and kissed guys. I still never felt attracted to them. So, you can’t say that I haven’t met the right guy yet. At this point in my life, if I haven’t felt an attraction, interest, or see myself marrying a guy then it’s clear that I am gay.

Every time I go on dates with women and hold hands with them, etc. I would feel the butterflies, I would get nervous and smile like a cheeseball. It’s the same feeling you get when a man loves a woman. If a woman doesn’t love a man but a woman, then so be it.

I heard a Tik Tok song recently by @Kaategill and this lyric stood out to me. “You’ll be living a life like Barbie and Ken, c’mon suck it up and forget this nonsense. But what if it’s not Ken but Barbie? Why should she have to say sorry?” Then I screamed internally saying, “She shouldn’t have to say sorry!!!” Why should we apologize for love? We shouldn’t have to! We also shouldn’t have to deal with homophobia but people are not understanding and think it’s totally okay to hate. You don’t know what that does to an LGBTQ+ individuals’ mental health.

We are not “mentally ill” as some people love to say. We are healthy human beings who love. If our feelings are for the same gender or whichever gender, then so be it. It’s normal. It’s healthy. We ALL deserve love just like heterosexual couples.

If a guy goes after the girl in public, everyone will root for them. But, if a girl does the same for another girl, everyone might be in disgust. See how that’s a double standard? A line from the TV Show, The Golden Girls, fits this perfectly. “Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn’t everyone have that chance?” Of course everyone deserves a chance!

I love seeing positive LGBTQ+ representation on screen because it makes me feel seen and heard. I will buy Pride pins and shirts to show people I am not afraid to be completely honest with myself and with everyone else. I will always fight for love.

I’m currently in a relationship with this sweet, kind, caring and intelligent woman that I absolutely love. My feelings for her are so strong that I can see a future with her. She’s the one I want. I’ve known her since high school but wasn’t out. Years later, we connected and I thought that this is my chance to date her. So, I put aside my fears and decided to go for it.

I’m happy that she likes me the same way. To be honest, I’ve never been happier. She makes me happy and I will not let anyone destroy my happiness. Homophobia will always remain but it’s our job to try to squash it and just normalize love. Love will always win.

Callie Torres-An Inspirational Badass

Posted on by ChauT

I wanted to write about how people/characters inspired me, whether dead or alive. You can learn a lot from them and incorporate it into your own life, who you are and how you act.

Callie Torres 

If you thought of Grey’s Anatomy when you saw her name, you are correct. She’s the fearless ortho from the show. She’s a lover and a fighter. I’ve always loved Callie but it wasn’t until she came out as bisexual that I really resonated with her. She has a conservative father and he didn’t accept her. He lives by the word of God so he thought it was an abomination. She was raised living by God’s word so she can quote the bible as well.

She was frustrated because her own father wouldn’t accept her. She wanted to love and be loved, no matter the gender. “You can’t pray away the gay!” This video shows the heated conversation with her father about same-sex relationships and it’s from season 6, episode 5. Callie believes Jesus loves her no matter what and she quotes the bible as such. “Jesus is my savior, not you daddy,” as she says so passionately before she walked out the door.

She stands up for herself and I admire her for that. I can relate to her because I’m bi as well but I’ve always had a hard time standing up for myself. You can clearly see, she doesn’t have a problem with standing up for herself. It’s something we can all learn to do. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves, even if it scares us and stand up for our fellow peers/neighbors. That shows a sense of community, love and support for each other.

After that, I looked at her as a person. Her sexuality isn’t the only thing interesting about her. There are so many other traits that make her amazing and inspirational. She doesn’t let anyone stand in her way. She taught us to not overthink. When she comes to work, she’s very focused and doesn’t let fear get in the way. Like everyone else, she’s been hurt more times than she can count. She doesn’t let it make her bitter or cold. Instead, she’s hopeful better things will happen. She’s a great friend, girlfriend/wife and mother. She’s funny, sarcastic, bold, fearless, and a warrior. Plus, she helps saves lives. Why wouldn’t you love her? The article,“13 Callie Torres Quotes That Will Give You Life,”written by Jasmine Alexander for Women has more quotes spoken by Callie and what makes her so inspirational.

Those are the reasons why Callie Torres will forever and always inspire me to become a better human being.

 

 

Hallmark Pulls Gay Ad-An Insult to the LGBTQ+ Community

Posted on by ChauT

zola-wedding-commercial-h-2019.jpgHallmark decided to pull ads featuring a same-sex couple getting married from the wedding-planning company called Zola Inc. A conservative group, One Million Moms complained and called an action to boycott the channel because it featured the ad. Hallmark told Zola Inc they wouldn’t use the ads anymore because it was seen as controversial.

According to an article, Hallmark Channel Faces Duelling Boycott Calls Over Gay Wedding Ads, written by the Wall Street Journal, Zola had aired ads with same-sex couples in the past on this channel without any issue.

If Hallmark aired same-sex couples before, then it seemed like they promoted equality and love. Now that they pulled an ad, it shows people they’ve taken a stand against the LGBTQ+ community. It seems like Hallmark pulled the ad now because it was seen as an inconvenience for them since they were getting hate for airing the same-sex wedding ad. If you’re taking a side, at least stay consistent.

“The only difference between the commercials that were flagged and the ones that were approved was that the commercials that did not meet Hallmark’s standards included a lesbian couple kissing,” said Mike Chi, Zola’s chief marketing officer. “All kisses, couples and marriages are equal celebrations of love and we will no longer be advertising on Hallmark.”

Hallmark promotes love, yet this is an issue? I guess Hallmark wants to show certain aspects of love. People will never understand that love is just love. They always want to refer to the Bible. Well, in the Bible, it also said that women shouldn’t speak in church and there were slaves back in the day. People always said, “God is Love.” So, confess your sins. Well, we can confess all we want, but it’s not going to make us straight. I refuse to marry the opposite gender just because I have to. If I ever get married, I’m in it for the long-haul so therefore, I want to be in love with the person I’m with.

The first and greatest commandment is in Matthew 23:37-40 “Love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is just like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

If you want to live word for word from the Bible, then don’t let the women speak and keep your marriage without love and then long for a divorce but are never allowed to have a divorce. It’s hypocritical when people tell others to treat people with respect and be kind to one another when some people can’t do the same. If you don’t love your neighbor as yourself, aren’t you breaking the commandment? Don’t spread hate, it’s simple.