When I was younger, I didn’t fully process the fact that I was gay. I always knew I saw girls in a different light. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be them or be with them. It’s not like I had anyone to confide in with that information. I am an only child so the only relationships I looked up to were the ones on TV. I always thought romantic comedies were cheesy but I loved the grand gestures and when the guy gets the girl of his dreams. I wanted that too.
Whenever couples would kiss, my eyes would gravitate towards the girl and I’m always in awe of their beauty. Growing up, I had crushes on almost all of my female teachers. Some of my guy teachers were cool and attractive but never fantasized about them. Not the way I did for the female teachers.
If you ask me who my celebrity crushes are, I would give you a list of female stars, never the males. Remember when we were younger and we played house with our friends? I always wanted to be the guy, not sure why.
I enjoy hobbies such as skateboarding, boxing, and martial arts. While those are enjoyed by both genders, I always felt more powerful doing them, especially when they’re seen as male dominated hobbies. Females can dominate doing them too.
It never occurred to me that I would label myself as gay now. I never thought I needed a label. In my mind, I didn’t care who I loved, as long as I love someone with my whole heart. It wasn’t until college that I understood the divide and hatred people had towards the LGBTQ+ community. Saying how it is “unnatural,” when it’s just love. If you love someone, you shouldn’t have to hide it or be afraid that someone will harm you whether it’s with words or violence.
I’ve also dated and kissed guys. I still never felt attracted to them. So, you can’t say that I haven’t met the right guy yet. At this point in my life, if I haven’t felt an attraction, interest, or see myself marrying a guy then it’s clear that I am gay.
Every time I go on dates with women and hold hands with them, etc. I would feel the butterflies, I would get nervous and smile like a cheeseball. It’s the same feeling you get when a man loves a woman. If a woman doesn’t love a man but a woman, then so be it.
I heard a Tik Tok song recently by @Kaategill and this lyric stood out to me. “You’ll be living a life like Barbie and Ken, c’mon suck it up and forget this nonsense. But what if it’s not Ken but Barbie? Why should she have to say sorry?” Then I screamed internally saying, “She shouldn’t have to say sorry!!!” Why should we apologize for love? We shouldn’t have to! We also shouldn’t have to deal with homophobia but people are not understanding and think it’s totally okay to hate. You don’t know what that does to an LGBTQ+ individuals’ mental health.
We are not “mentally ill” as some people love to say. We are healthy human beings who love. If our feelings are for the same gender or whichever gender, then so be it. It’s normal. It’s healthy. We ALL deserve love just like heterosexual couples.
If a guy goes after the girl in public, everyone will root for them. But, if a girl does the same for another girl, everyone might be in disgust. See how that’s a double standard? A line from the TV Show, The Golden Girls, fits this perfectly. “Everyone wants someone to grow old with. And shouldn’t everyone have that chance?” Of course everyone deserves a chance!
I love seeing positive LGBTQ+ representation on screen because it makes me feel seen and heard. I will buy Pride pins and shirts to show people I am not afraid to be completely honest with myself and with everyone else. I will always fight for love.
I’m currently in a relationship with this sweet, kind, caring and intelligent woman that I absolutely love. My feelings for her are so strong that I can see a future with her. She’s the one I want. I’ve known her since high school but wasn’t out. Years later, we connected and I thought that this is my chance to date her. So, I put aside my fears and decided to go for it.
I’m happy that she likes me the same way. To be honest, I’ve never been happier. She makes me happy and I will not let anyone destroy my happiness. Homophobia will always remain but it’s our job to try to squash it and just normalize love. Love will always win.
ChauT 